Saturday, January 5, 2013

Les Miserables

Mon Dieu! I'm calling BS on this. If you haven't seen the stage production, where have you been? Victor Hugo spins in his grave. The "stars" actually sing LIVE while the filming is going on (no trips to the recording studio), and the director has chosen the BEST take and used it. And when you sop up the blood from your poor ears, you will have to ask yourself how this could have been the BEST take- there were worse??. Well, there is Russell Crowe positively bleating out his songs like a sheep being neutered. It is painful to watch and worse to hear.  Amanda Seyfried uses a vibrato that sounds like a Minnie Mouse electric toothbrush set on stun. Hugh Jackman is possibly the very worst because he is a former broadway guy who has had real lessons and he has NO excuse- his vibrato is a loopy, wavy mess never landing on pitch. And because she cuts her hair to nubbins and sings a weepy, nose runny, rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream", Anne Hathaway is almost credible.  It is a beautiful song, but just because one sings it slowly, and with "this is a sowwy sowwy mess" eyes, doesn't do it justice.  The only one worth a damn is the little girl who sings the role of the child Cosette, and she does a fantastic job of "there is a castle on a cloud".  My husband had never seen Les Mis(z) before- and he loved the sets (I agree), loved the costumes (I agree) and summed it up like this- "the real problem with the movie is not the singing, it's the fact that Les Mis(z) is really a boring POS."  Well, I don't agree because the singing sucked also.  If you have fond and glorious memories of a well-sung, professional stage performance of this, don't go to the movie. You'll have to take Advil for your sore ears and tired rear end (it's a LONG one) and tight neck from shaking your head in disbelief.  And if I see Helena Bonham Carter dressed up like Mad Margaret (look it up) just ONE MORE time, I don't know but that I won't start screaming in the theater.  For the sake of Minerva, GIVE THE SHTICK A REST, HELENA.   I give it 2 stars because, well, they really tried and I should have known better. It doesn't really deserve it.