Inside Llewyn Davis

Moses wept. This Cohen brothers film is about a week in the life of a folksinger, Llewyn Davis, in the year 1961. An interesting note is that all the musicians, including Oscar Isaac (Davis), had to play and sing- no lip synching or fake guitar. That is the only impressive thing about this. Llewyn is a loser. His music partner committed suicide. He goes around impregnating women and then raising funds to provide for an abortion. He is disliked by his father and sister.  He acts like an artistic brat with his own obnoxious affectations yet he is forgiven and given a place to eat and sleep by people he has treated like dirt. It is, you see, his right as an artist.  He has so little feeling for others and that is symbolized by his relationship with a beautifully calm orange tabby. In the end, the tabby meets the same fate as everything else in LLewyn's life. He has a peculiar disregard for life and is seemingly unable to care or love. When he is beaten up, you don't feel sorry for him. He is dislikable and irritating; moderately talented but full of himself; a man who seemingly feels nothing while being ingratiating and rude. In other words, he is a jackass. One other thing about having a lead character so unlikeable is that it  leads to is boredom. You heard me- a Cohen brothers movie that is just damn boring.  It is hard to believe that a team that has made cult classics like Fargo and Raising Arizona, as well as making one of the best movies of all time, No Country for Old Men, could actually sit down and make such an abysmal film. I'd like to give it 2 stars because maybe something redeeming can be seen in it- but this is a movie for which there is no audience. I'm sorry. Go back and rent Fargo or No Country. It'll be better for you. I'm giving it one star because of the guitar playing and the cat.

Frances Ha

Don't read the good reviews of this film- read the BAD reviews. Because there are a certain amount of hipster doofus reviewers that love pretentious film making in black and white (for no reason other than hipster doofusness) and love bad dialogue about 27 year olds who still have no idea how to make a real living. Maybe, if you like the whining losers on "Girls", you will like the happy losers in Frances Ha. I don't know when 27 got to be called "young adult". It's really close to 30, and a great many people understand the meaning of adulthood around 19 or so. There was nothing cool or avant garde about this movie. Stunningly- there was not ONE funny thing in it- not a clever line or even a likeable romance. It is virtually a stream of self-consciousness from a lead character who performs like an idiot- devoid of common sense, self-awareness,  or any real charm- just a stupid smile. And we are supposed to root for her. It has been compared to Annie Hall- close but no cigar.  I really don't care which critics like this (maybe because it has almost everyone in it that Baumbach and his lead actress girlfriend might know?). It was not a good movie. In fact, if this is what living in New York does to an educated woman's brain (as seen in both the character and the actress/scriptwriter who plays her), well, you might want to encourage your daughters to stay in their hometowns.

The Master

Oh dear goddess of the never ending film- did you really need to add another one to the world? And yet, you did.  Never has such a good cast been put in such a disaster- well, okay, maybe I exaggerate. This tedious mess got an 85% on the tomatometer- because it is pretentious and talky and has a director with a reputation for great movies. It shows you how pretentious and talky some reviewers are. This is not a great movie, and because it is heavy handed, it isn't even a good movie. A movie with 85% on the tomatometer (rottentomatoes.com), and a cast that is well known, should make MILLIONS of dollars, but word of mouth and social media can kill a bad film and it looks like this one has been shelved by the people who have spread the word. It is supposed to be a movie based on Scientology- that's how it got people to the theater to begin with. Don't go. Wait for it on cable or something.  Ugh.

Hope Springs

This movie stars Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones as an almost elderly couple who have been married for 31 years. They haven't had sex in 5 years or so and they never touch or even really talk.. They share nothing except a house- they don't even share a bedroom.  SO they go to an intensive marriage counseling week at a charming town in Maine (really Connecticut -but who cares) where the marriage counselor (Steve Carrell) helps them work through it. And for the love of all that is holy, it is the MOST DAMN BORING movie ever made. Seriously. It's like you've been there for those 5 years.  I kept wishing I had a remote to fast forward through the misery that is Tommy Lee Jones in this. And Meryl Streep plays a character who is about 62-and is digusted by sex, etc. Excuse me??? If she is around 62, she was in college in the late 60s- was she in a cave? a nunnery? a cult? Her character is such a boring woman. This movie was so unrealistic. And so many pauses. And so many stupid and contrived moments. Nothing about it was good but the lovely room they get at the Inn. I'm going to look that one up to see if it is real or just a set.  Otherwise, SKIP IT and don't even watch it on cable. EVER. I'll give it 1 star - I don't even know why.

Batman-The Dark Knight Rises

OH God. Please give me back the over 3 hours I sat through this movie. The villain mumbles, the hero lisps, Catwoman sleepwalks through her lines, ugh- so what if it has special effects and a lot of shooting and bombing and slicing. I'll be the brave critic-- it isn't that good. The script is confusing in spots, the storyline is weak and often nonsensical. There is a RULE I have for science fiction or fantasy- it doesn't have to be REAL, or even plausible, but it has to be true to its own reality. You can't suspend the plot logic just because you want to. (Harry Potter is a great example of being fantasy that is true to its own reality).  Ugh. What a shame that most reviewers won't tell you that this movie is really only for the die-hard batman fans. I've never like Christian Bale as Batman but compared to Michael Keaton- well, he does do a much better job.  I expected the darkness, and I expected the twists, but not the totally illogical actions. It was as if the editors realized the movie was getting damn long so they just snipped away without thinking of what it meant. Just as an example- if someone sticks a knife in your chest or belly and twists it for a few minutes and rips it around, even if you are Batman, you are going to be HURT badly. Sigh. I loved the Dark Knight- it was chilling and real. This is not. Why one star- well, with that budget and those special effects they owed us more.

Hereafter

The Hereafter- if you sit long enough in this dull and lengthy movie, that is precisely where you will wish you were. Matt Damon is listed as the star- but it is a crummy role indeed. He is only in 1/3 of the film. He has repetitive and annoying dialogue as a retired psychic. He plays a real psychic- he actually can communicate with the dead. Enter the requisite and predictable female who has a near death experience she needs explained. Then enter the saddest loss- a young boy who has lost his twin brother. You can actually write the ending yourself if you've ever seen a movie. It is not poorly edited- it is mostly overscripted. It feels tedious and pointless for 2/3 of the film. You don't have a lot of interest in these boring folks even though they are acting their butts off. When the end mercifully arrives, it is so contrived and so idiotic  that you can hardly believe it. The final 10 seconds are inexplicable. Oh well. See it at your own risk. I think part of the problem is that you honestly have been led to believe you are going to see a movie with Matt Damon in the film- the entire film. Nope.  But you'd be far better off  walking into the next theater to see Jackass 3D- not because I refuse to see it and won't review it, but because at least Jackass doesn't pretend to be art. On the upside, Hereafter isn't the worst film of the year because George Clooney all ready beat them to it.